Hang in and Hang on

I figured something out the other day as I was driving through the little town near where we lost Laney. I deal with her loss by not thinking about it. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I wish it were really that easy, but I really do try not to think about that day. I try not to let my mind wonder to the mountain, or the events following. It makes me cry. Okay, everything makes me cry.

Because I get so emotional over everything, I have found it best not to think about the things that hurt the most. And so far, I am doing okay. I am hanging in. I am choosing to remember the good things and not focus on the harder things. I think that by doing this, I am coping. Some days, just barely.

There are a couple of things that make it easier for my family to cope. Having Jens here makes things better for us. Knowing that he loves Laney as much as we do helps heal our broken hearts. My niece knows when we need her, and has been a helping hand for my family from the start.

I try to remember the crazy things she did that made me roll my eyes or laugh out loud. Like the time when she couldn’t figure out how to make a fried egg the way I did. She loved my fried eggs. I came home from work to find that she had used my Belgian waffle maker to make fried eggs. I never did see them, but she did it often, so they must have been good.

Or the times when she would call me from college, put me on speaker phone and ask me to tell her friends that I really did put cream cheese in my mashed potatoes. She thought it was funny that they wouldn’t believe her until they heard it from me.

These are the little things that are getting me through each day. Little moments that maybe weren’t significant at the time, but are now precious memories. Things that help me to hang in and hang on. And it seems to be working.

~CTR