Changed For the Better

Sometimes, music can bring back so many memories. Listening to music Laney loved can brighten my day, and sometimes make me sad at the same time.

Steve Tyler or Garth Brooks were two of Laney’s all time favorite singers. She loved all kinds of music and would surprise everyone with her knowledge of music from other eras. She loved Broadway music, and our family often listened to it loud, singing along in the car.

She loved the musical Wicked, and she and Alyssa would often sing the song For Good together. I cannot listen to the song without thinking about the many lives Laney touched. The many lives she changed for good. If there were a song that truly exemplified how she lived, it would be that one. Here is part of the song:

For Good

I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those, who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return. Well…I know I’m who I am today, because I knew you…

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You’ll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine by being my friend…

I know I have been changed for the better for knowing my own daughter. I hope that I can continue her legacy by making a difference to someone else. By being their friend. By making a difference in their lives.


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Just Let Me Cry

The 13th of every month is a rough day for us. Sometimes it is the entire week that is rough. Today marks seven months since we lost Laney. And it has been a rough week already. And it is only Tuesday.

One of the things that I find comfort in is listening to uplifting music. Sometimes it makes me cry, but sometimes it comforts my broken heart.  One song, by Hilary Weeks, called Just Let Me Cry pretty much says all that I am feeling today.

So listen to the song on this video and maybe it will help you through a rough day, too.

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Hang in and Hang on

I figured something out the other day as I was driving through the little town near where we lost Laney. I deal with her loss by not thinking about it. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I wish it were really that easy, but I really do try not to think about that day. I try not to let my mind wonder to the mountain, or the events following. It makes me cry. Okay, everything makes me cry.

Because I get so emotional over everything, I have found it best not to think about the things that hurt the most. And so far, I am doing okay. I am hanging in. I am choosing to remember the good things and not focus on the harder things. I think that by doing this, I am coping. Some days, just barely.

There are a couple of things that make it easier for my family to cope. Having Jens here makes things better for us. Knowing that he loves Laney as much as we do helps heal our broken hearts. My niece knows when we need her, and has been a helping hand for my family from the start.

I try to remember the crazy things she did that made me roll my eyes or laugh out loud. Like the time when she couldn’t figure out how to make a fried egg the way I did. She loved my fried eggs. I came home from work to find that she had used my Belgian waffle maker to make fried eggs. I never did see them, but she did it often, so they must have been good.

Or the times when she would call me from college, put me on speaker phone and ask me to tell her friends that I really did put cream cheese in my mashed potatoes. She thought it was funny that they wouldn’t believe her until they heard it from me.

These are the little things that are getting me through each day. Little moments that maybe weren’t significant at the time, but are now precious memories. Things that help me to hang in and hang on. And it seems to be working.


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