From the time when Laney was about 15 years old, she wanted to be an organ donor. In fact, she had a life goal to donate a kidney. And she was completely serious. She reminded me all the time that she wanted to be an organ donor. So last June, I told her about a cousin that was in dire need of a kidney transplant. What she said to me was, “Ok. Let’s make it happen mom!” But the doctors didn’t want someone who was so young and hadn’t had her own family yet to donate. She would have to wait.
Laney did get her wish to be an organ donor, but not in the way she thought it would happen. Even though we knew what she wanted, making that decision on such short notice and without really having time to process losing her, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. We are okay with it, though. We think it is pretty amazing actually. To think that not only her legacy of temple work, missionaries, and her testimony living on and helping others, but she is as well. And it is just like her.
When unexpected things arise, they tend to catch me off guard. Like the day I came home from work to find a letter from the Moran Eye Center at the University of Utah. I wasn’t thinking much about it because we get mail from the University of Utah regularly. When I opened the letter, though, it took my breath away. It said that because of Laney’s gift and our decision for her to be a donor, two people who were blind can now see. How incredible is that? But it wasn’t really our decision to make. It was Laney’s. And she made it years ago. And we are so incredibly proud of her.
The 13th of every month is especially hard for us. Today is definitely one of those days when I have to tell myself that I can do it. I can make it through today. But today, I am also wondering how in the world I have made it this long and kept myself together. And then I remember, that it is because I have put my trust in Him. And I know I can keep going.
I miss Laney terribly. I love her just as much. I see her in so many things that I do. In so many things that are around me. While painting the mud room a few weeks ago, I started crying because she was supposed to do it with me. Her room is on the main floor, and we leave the door open. Because she is still a part of our lives. I hate to see the door closed. I like the reminder that she is still here, really. Thank goodness she left so many pictures for us to remember how much she really loved her life.
No matter what trials we may be facing, it may seem insurmountable to us. It could be illness, job loss, stress, or a host of other factors that are making today hard. It is so important to remember that if we can just make it through today, tomorrow will always be there. And it just might be better.
I remember when Wade and I were both unemployed at the same time for over a year and a half. I was very discouraged and couldn’t see that things would improve. I am a worrier, to put it mildly. I worry over things I cannot control. I worry over things I can, too. So as we were going through this rough patch, I was expressing my stress to Wade. His response to me was, ” Don’t worry. Heavenly Father has taken care of us so far. I am sure He will continue to take care of us.”
So I started taking life one day at a time, knowing that if I could just make it through today, tomorrow might be better. Or it might not. But I knew that everything would be ok. And so far, it is working!
Life isn’t always easy, but if we learn to take it one day at a time, we will find that we made it. That when we put our trust in Him, we cannot fail.