I meant to get this posted yesterday, but the day slipped away before I knew it:
Today is Laney’s 22nd birthday. I have been thinking so much about her this month, that the entire month of April has been an emotional one for me. April is Organ Donor Awareness month, too, so that made me think about everything all over again. Laney was an organ donor.
I really cannot believe that this is the second birthday she has been gone. I don’t think it will be any easier as the years go by. I don’t know that I want them to. I don’t WANT to forget and move on. She was my baby girl. My daughter. My hero.
This month, as I have been focused on thoughts of Laney, some things just kind of hit me, and it makes me cry. When I saw the griddle on the counter from my girls making pancakes, it made me cry. Laney loved pancakes. She would eat them every meal of the day if I let her. Or that day when I picked up a pair of pants only to realize they were Laney’s favorite jeans. We had tried to patch them, but it never would hold. She wouldn’t throw them away. Now, I am glad that she didn’t.
Laney was very sentimental. She kept everything. A souvenir of every moment in her life. The older she got, the more she turned to pictures. And we are so grateful for the thousands of pictures that she took. it left us with a lifetime of memories that we will cherish forever.
Happy birthday, Lane. We love and miss you as much as always, and cannot wait until that day when we will be with you again. Would you just put a word in, and hurry it up, already?
I was asked to help with a lesson in Relief Society today (the women’s organization in the Mormon church). I was asked to share how the Lord has blessed me through my trials and what I have learned from them. I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned with you, as well.
There are so many ways He blesses our lives and helps us through our trials. For me and my family, a couple of the ways that He has blessed us include numbing us through the most severe trials and giving us perspective. That perspective includes being able to comprehend that God has a plan for our lives. While we don’t know the entirety of the plan, we do know that He wants us to return to Him. He wants us to succeed. He wants to bless us.
Faith is a given. We have to have faith in order to know that we have a purpose and that we will be okay. But the thing that has helped us the most? Hope. I likened it today to the light that comes from a lighthouse, guiding the lost sailors back to the safety of their homes. That is what hope does for me, personally. It is that bright beam of light helping to guide me back to my heavenly home. Back to my Heavenly Father. Back to Laney.
President Deiter F. Uchtdorf says this about hope:
Hope is not knowledge,but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future.It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.
If we start with that little seed of hope, knowing and having faith that someday, everything we are going through will be worth it, then that hope is enough. It is enough to help us through the trial we are going through today. And then the next one. Because we know that in the end, as we look back on our trials, we will see that all of those trials have been stepping stones to get us back home. Back to that One who gave us life. Back to the One who is cheering us on and blessing us.
Yesterday, the local high school had a fundraiser at the regional track meet to raise money for Laney’s scholarship. I hadn’t been to a track meet since Laney’s senior year…almost 4 years ago. It was a little emotional for me. It was also totally unexpected. The emotion.
As I sat and watched the athletes compete, it occurred to me that most of them didn’t know Laney. And if they did, it would only be the seniors. Kind of crazy to think that so much time has passed since her last year in high school.
After Wade and I got home, we were working on a few things around the house. I asked him if it were hard for him to be at the track. He replied that he had no time to think about it, as he was the one barbecuing the hamburgers. He then left to run to the store for me while I finished dinner. Right after he left, the song, Dream a Little Dream of Me came on the radio.
That is when I lost it. I stood there crying as I made dinner. You see, when we were expecting Laney, Wade picked her name from the movie with the same name. I do not believe in coincidences. I also KNOW that Laney is ever near and blessing our family. This song was a reminder that she was with us yesterday. maybe she was watching the track meet, too. All I know is that Heavenly Father allows her to be present in our lives. We miss her like crazy, but look forward to the day when we can see her again.
Here is the song that came on the radio. I thought you might like to hear it.