As we start into this last month before the year mark of losing Laney, I want to look back a little over how we have made it this far when we could not have comprehended making it a single minute without her. But through our tears, we have made it this far.
It has been an everyday struggle living without Laney. So the way we have been moving forward is two-fold. First, I honestly try not to think about her not being here everyday. Oh, I think about her everyday. About the memories. The funny things we did. I cannot do a single project without thinking about how much I need Laney to give me her opinion or help me do it. That is how it always was with us. But, I cannot think that she is GONE everyday. I would be a melted puddle on the floor.
Secondly, we know that there are people who continue to pray for us. That there are those who know the days that will be hard and seem to find a way to show their love and support. But most importantly, Heavenly Father has been here, holding us up every step of the way. He has wrapped His loving arms around us as we have cried. In the midst of our greatest heartaches He has come and wiped away all our tears.
Today marks 11 months since losing Laney. How in the world did we make it to this point? Make it this far when all along we have felt like we couldn’t go another minute? I look back and remember it like it was yesterday. But it also seems like it has gone so fast. I like fast. It gets us closer to being with her again. I am so amazed when I realize how much Heavenly Father has helped us make it one day at a time until we have come as far as we have.
I am not looking forward to the next anniversary date. The one year mark. I know I will be a mess. I am already a mess. But I know that there are people around us who won’t forget. And we won’t forget them either. How did we get here? One step. One minute. One day at a time. Do I have the courage to make it through today? Absolutely. Because I can try again tomorrow.
I just realized something. I think I knew it all along, but it was like light bulb going off in my head. One of those times when you go, “AHHH…NOW I get it!” Here it is: being around Laney’s friends brings a kind of peace to us. Especially those friends that knew Laney and loved her, too.
I think that is why I love it when they come to the house, or see them at the store, or at the ball field. There is an automatic friendship that we now have with her friends. Running into one of them always brings a smile to my face. Maybe it’s because I know how much Laney loved them. Whatever the reason, I am so glad that when they see me or any of the family, they are excited to see us. They aren’t afraid to come visit. They know that we have that tie that now binds us all together. Laney.
How grateful I am that she had such good friends. That they know we still need them and that they aren’t afraid to talk about her. Thank you for helping us to find some of that peace. I hope it helps you find peace as well.