Laney has always had very good taste in friends. She seemed to find the cream of the crop. Brynna hung out with Laney and her friends, so it was only natural that Laney’s friends would keep being there for Brynna. So it has been with one of Laney’s friends named Kurtis.
Kurtis is a great guy who has been there for Brynna through so many rough things. Just this last week he held her in the hospital half the night while she cried in pain-until she fell asleep. Then yesterday he took her to the temple to do baptisms, out to lunch, and over to spend the day with his family.
Did I mention that Kurtis is leaving on his mission next week? He is making time for Brynna because he knows how much she needs him right now. But he has been there for our family, too. He has come over just to visit. We love it because it helps bring us peace.
But this post is for Kurtis. I want him to know how amazingly proud I am of him for choosing to help others learn that they can have their families forever, just like we can. He is going to be a great missionary. I want him to know that I love him, too, for helping Brynna. For being her friend. For coming to my house, flopping in the chair, grabbing the guitar and being part of the family. The chair will be here waiting for you to get back. But in the meantime, never forget how incredibly proud Laney is of you, too. She will be there when you need her encouragement, I am sure. Just like she would have been anyway. Don’t forget to write!
I have been thinking for a while now about what I wanted to do in the month of August for Laney. Since August will be such a difficult month, I wanted to do something that Lane would love. So I am going to put nothing but white flowers on her headstone for the whole month.
With the Brigham CIty Temple open house starting this month…I think white is a perfect tribute to both her life,and where she is. She loved the every temple, but was so extremely excited about “our” temple. I have noticed that when some people mark the passing of another year, they put black flowers on a memorial. I knew then that we would do the opposite. Because we know how sweet the Plan of Salvation is. Because white means purity. Heaven. Faith. Knowledge. Eternal life. Hope.
We want to have hope leading into this next month. We are going to need it as we try to put one foot in front of the other. We can do this. We can have courage to face each day. Kinda like the little engine that could….
It seems that every day I seem to get more emotional the closer we get to the year mark. Kaden asked me today if we were doing anything to celebrate on the 13th. I told him there wasn’t anything to celebrate that day. He said we should celebrate her life.
It got me thinking about Laney tonight, and I am struggling to type this. I started listening to some of her favorite music, and that about did me in. I have been reading some of her things, too, and am constantly amazed how much I am learning about her. She taught us so much in such a short period, and didn’t know she was doing it. Like how the Atonement is such an important part of life.
I think maybe I need to show that this really has been a rough road. That it is not easy to keep looking forward everyday. That sometimes, life just stinks. I am feeling that tonight. I would give anything to have Laney back. But I know the plan for her, and even for us, is different than what we want.
So tonight, I will be a mom who cries and misses her daughter. Misses the sound of her footsteps on the stairs. Misses her excitement at being so in love. Misses my partner in creativity. The laughter at my made up words. The incredible athlete and mentor. Misses my friend, my rock and reminder of the blessings in our life.
But tomorrow, I will try to put on my strong face and keep moving forward. Because I can do this. With Heavenly Father’s help,I can do anything.