It seems that every day I seem to get more emotional the closer we get to the year mark. Kaden asked me today if we were doing anything to celebrate on the 13th. I told him there wasn’t anything to celebrate that day. He said we should celebrate her life.
It got me thinking about Laney tonight, and I am struggling to type this. I started listening to some of her favorite music, and that about did me in. I have been reading some of her things, too, and am constantly amazed how much I am learning about her. She taught us so much in such a short period, and didn’t know she was doing it. Like how the Atonement is such an important part of life.
I think maybe I need to show that this really has been a rough road. That it is not easy to keep looking forward everyday. That sometimes, life just stinks. I am feeling that tonight. I would give anything to have Laney back. But I know the plan for her, and even for us, is different than what we want.
So tonight, I will be a mom who cries and misses her daughter. Misses the sound of her footsteps on the stairs. Misses her excitement at being so in love. Misses my partner in creativity. The laughter at my made up words. The incredible athlete and mentor. Misses my friend, my rock and reminder of the blessings in our life.
But tomorrow, I will try to put on my strong face and keep moving forward. Because I can do this. With Heavenly Father’s help,I can do anything.