I love to read. Other than doing my projects, it is probably my favorite thing to do with my free time. After losing Laney, I read the book, Divine Signatures by Gerald Lund. It gave me such insight into looking for the blessings in my life everyday, that I was really excited when Wade got me his new book Look Up, My Soul. It is a book about hope.
Tonight I was reading from it when a chapter about choosing hope took me by such surprise that I could barely get through it. It talked about a mother losing her daughter and how she looked for hope in everything. The interesting part to me was when she talked about having to choose hope over and over. That it wasn’t a one time thing.
Some of what she mentioned hits so close to home. The part that really made me cry was talking about how she chooses hope when her daughter’s friends reached milestones, or when her daughter wasn’t there for significant milestones in the family. That is such a difficult thing to do when you feel like you are missing out on so much.
We love Laney’s friends, and are happy for them when they get married and have babies. Laney would have been so excited for them. But it is hard not to think about where Laney would be right now if we hadn’t lost her. How life would be different. But I am choosing hope. I am choosing to press forward with hope in Christ and in His promise of eternal life.