Changed for Good

Laney Peacock

Three years. Yet it feels like it happened yesterday. How have we made it this far? If you would have asked me in the beginning, I would have told you I couldn’t make it through today, let alone three years. Yet, here we are. I miss her so much. I know she is engaged in so many good things now, but that still doesn’t fix it. She isn’t HERE. I can’t listen to her get excited over things that were happening in her life. Or her making fun of me for “making up words” as she liked to call it. Or a million other things.

One day, while listening to my iPod, a song came on that I was familiar with and that my family loves from Wicked. In fact, one of the lines from the song was in the running for what we would put on Laney’s headstone. As the singing started, I realized it was Alyssa singing. And then Laney chimed in in the second verse. The thing that shocked me the most was the part that Laney sang. She and Alyssa were practicing the song and recorded themselves so they could play it back. The minute Lane came on, the sound of her voice and the words she said took me aback. I was in a complete puddle by the end of the song. And then I replayed it over and over and over. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to hear the words. Again.

Listen to it here: ( Laney starts singing in the second verse)

 

Those words; “It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime,” being sung by my daughter who isn’t here any more means so much more now. But I wanted to post this song so that you can see how much you meant to her. How much she loved her friends, and how you, “Are like a hand print on {her} heart.”

How because we knew her (and she knew us) we have been changed for good. That is what we thought about putting on her headstone. But we focused on the hope. The resurrection. So we continue on, trying to live each day so we can be with Laney again and wrap our arms around her. And tell her how very much we love her and miss her. Oh, how we wish she were HERE. But she’s not. She’s there, and there doesn’t know how lucky it is.

~CTR

What Laney Said

I-have-to-live-up-to-noones-expectations

This post is what Laney said. Literally. It was something that I found very recently that Laney had written just before she left for her first year at college. It says so much about my daughter that it amazes even me. I have no doubt that this was one of those tender mercies that let me know  that my Father in Heaven is aware of me. That when I am struggling with missing Lane, He gives me something like this. Knowing what we know now, I hope you can look at this post from a retrospective point of view and see that what Lane saw then was indeed for us now.

“August 6, 2009 at 1:43am

As I continue to grow up I find myself thinking about all the things that are going to change, which for me is a lot! Some people are living at home, while others of us are going to have to find new activities, new friends, and a new place to call home. I’ve moved many times throughout my teenage years. It’s not as easy as it seems to find a place where you actually feel as if you belong. For me, Box Elder, Brigham, BC, whatever..was that place. So now coming to this time in my life, where I have to leave the only place I’ve ever felt truly satisfied with calling home is a big struggle.

I honestly believe that I have made the best friends any person could ever dream of having! Friends are really important to me. They helped shape me into the person I have become today. A me that even I love. My friends are an incredible example to me. I find qualities in them that I someday wish to also posses. Yes, I know I will make new friends wherever I go. Yet, right now, the friends I have and the [memories] we’ve made, are enough for me. I know that in time I will see things differently. The friends I have now, have made incredibly lasting impressions on my heart. And have forever changed my outlook on life<3. Leaving the people I love and not being as big a part of their lives anymore, is really gonna hurt. I don’t want to miss out out on things in their lives, and likewise for them.

“There is nothing more constant than Change.”-(Pres. Monson.) Change at the time seems completely and totally terrible but through my experience, I’ve always learned from it, and have become [better] because of it. This is just another step in the “never ending racetrack we call life.“-(Jonas Brothers) As hard as it is to accept the fact that I’m moving on to bigger and better things, I know it’s a part of life. Something we all go through at one point or another. I wish I would’ve better prepared myself for it.

I’m a very sentimental person. I take the [memories] and the lessons I’ve learned and hold on to them so tight because I’m afraid to lose them. I don’t feel now as if I’m losing them, more involuntarily giving them up. As one chapter in my life ends and the new one begins, I find myself more and more each day wishing it didn’t have to be this way.That I could just live the life I have now. But I know it has to be this way in order to grow and succeed in life. I won’t be doing what anyone else wants for me, it’s all up to me now. I no longer can just slip by in life..no one is going to be there pushing me. I have to live up to no one’s expectations but my own.

It’s all a part of growing up, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunities and privileges I have received throughout my life. I’m happy with the way things are. And I’m excited for the way they’re going to be! Life may seem so confusing and frustrating at times..but it’s all for our good. I’ll continue to learn and hopefully someday be that person that I want to become.

~CTR

Making it Forever

SometimesWow, has it been a crazy year. We finally got the house put back together with the exception of some finish painting (I will post pictures in another post soon). I got one daughter off to live in Hawaii, and started planning a wedding. What?!? Yep. A wedding.

CenterpiecesI have mentioned before how Laney had her own impending engagement she was excited about. About how she was excited to give Jens her forever. Well, one of my other daughters had her own impending engagement to a guy we just love. Only we weren’t expecting it. But I have no doubt that there were people other the other side of the veil, including Laney, working to make it happen.

Guest-Book-tableSo we planned and celebrated and watched our girl be sealed to an amazing man who adores her. It is amazing to see her so happy. To actually see that adoration in his face when he looks at her. Sometimes the things we want the most come in the most unexpected ways, and when we finally get to that moment, we just hold it tight and never let it go. That is how it has been for my daughter.

A-&-DWhat more can a mom ask for than to have a new son-in-law who started his own family by making it forever. Thanks, Drew. For loving her enough to give her your forever.

~CTR