I read an article in the newspaper the other day that hit me so forcefully that it brought tears to my eyes. Let me go back a little and explain the reason behind my reaction. When my son was six he was diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, and a litany of other things. When he was 15 we found out that the “other things” was actually Autism. To say that the years have been rough has been an understatement.
I have often wondered why it has to be so hard. I have been frustrated with him quite often. Several times, Laney would look me in the eyes, point her finger at me and say, ” He was given to our family for a reason!” I knew that, but sometimes we all need reminders, right?
So, while I was reading this article, one paragraph stuck out to me. It was talking about comparing ourselves to other parents, and how we shouldn’t ever do that. It said, “They don’t have your kids or your circumstances or your marriage or your personality, and you don’t have theirs.”
Here is the part that made me sit back and get emotional: “And your kids did not choose them to be their parents; they chose you and they want you. And God did not choose someone else to be their parents; he chose you. And God did not choose someone else to be your kids; he chose the ones you got — for you and for you alone.” Richard and Linda Eyre
Wow. I guess Laney was right after all. But I already knew that.
Something occurred to me today. Like a light bulb going off. My niece has told me several times that she thinks my love language is service. It kind of clicked for me today. She is totally right. That my love language is service. I have always loved to do things for other people. I know my kids do as well. Anyone who knew Laney knew that she loved to make things for her friends. For the people that she loved. Maybe their love language is also service. Maybe by doing little acts of service for them and others I can show them that I love them.
Yesterday, Ally made a survivalist bracelet for me to give to a friend that was struggling. When I gave it to him today, he loved it. It totally made his day that a little girl whom he didn’t even know would do something like that for him. Love language again.
I have always loved the poem that President Thomas S. Monson has shared with us many times about the children who loved mom best. I think it says best how my love language works.
Which Loved Best
“I love you mother,” said little John;
Then, forgetting work his cap went on,
And he was off to the garden swing,
Leaving his mother the wood to bring.
“I love you, mother,” said rosy Nell;
“I love you better than tongue can tell;”
Then she teased and pouted full half the day,
Till her mother rejoiced when she went to play.
“I love you, mother,” said little Fran;
“today I’ll help you all I can;
How glad I am that school doesn’t keep!”
So she rocked the baby till it fell asleep.
Then stepping softly, she took the broom,
And swept the floor, and dusted the room;
Busy and happy all day was she,
Helpful and cheerful as child could be.
“I love you, mother,” again they said -
Three little children going to bed;
How do you think that mother guessed
Which of them really loved her best?
by Joy Allison
What is your love language? What is the love language of your kids? Our friends? Our spouses? If we make an effort to find out their love language and show them we love them by remembering that, it will go much further than words.
In so many ways this week has been a rough one. One of my friends and neighbors passed away as a result of a motorcycle accident. His funeral was yesterday. The entire week brought right back to the forefront our losing Laney. Every emotion, every question, brought right back. Just like that.
In his talk at the funeral yesterday, my bishop (lay ecclesiastical leader) said that we should not use past tense when we talk about our loved ones who have passed away. Because they are simply still on the same path that they were meant to be on all along. That they are just gone from our view. That they still exist. I love how he put that because it is exactly how we feel.
Heavenly Father’s plan that we can be together with our families forever is so amazing. But…it is so incredibly true. It actually keeps me going. Knowing that we will be with Laney again. That she is still around us. One of her favorite church songs, and ironically mine as well is Come Thou Fount. This is my favorite version, so I thought I would share it with you. I listen to it almost everyday.