Memorial day was a rough one. I wasn’t prepared at all to go to the cemetery and find that so many of Laney’s friends had remembered her. That so many of them had been there before we went and left flowers and messages. I was so overwhelmed.
My family went to put flowers on my mom’s grave earlier in the day. My kids have grown up placing flowers on loved one’s graves. We like to stand and visit at each grave telling stories about the person. It is a great way for our kids to know about their families. But I never imagined how difficult it would be to stand there at my own child’s grave. I would never have imagined the gratitude I would feel for the people who still think about her and in doing so, haven’t forgotten us either.
But the most amazing thing to me is that when we walked up to Laney’s headstone, the first thing that I saw was what Jens had left for her. It was so amazingly tender that tears immediately started running down my face. He had placed a heart there saying that she would always be loved by him. How grateful I am that he loves my daughter and that he knows that we love him, too. Thank you for loving my girl.
My family loves quotes. They often say so much in such short sentences. That is one of the reasons why I always use quotes on my blog. Laney especially loved to quote songs. I can’t listen to a song without thinking about how she had used a line from it. Or how she would have loved this new song or that one.
Laney has a board in her room that she would write random quotes on. The quote in this blog is that board. That is the last quote she wrote. It is in her handwriting. And it says so much about the kind of person she was. We loved it when she quoted things, and plan on keeping this up as long as we can. I love how much her character showed in everything. Even quotes.
This is one of those quotes that went straight to my heart and made me cry. When I read it again after we lost Laney, it felt like she had left the message just for us. She probably did.
It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. But it is. The speaker on my phone went out. So what. Big deal. Right? I can just get another phone. Only, I am having a major struggle with it. I REALLY don’t want a new phone because it means losing another part of Laney.
I have an app on my phone that allowed me to talk back and forth with Laney. I figured out one day how to replay all of her messages. I sat on the edge of my bed crying as I listened to her voice tell me the simplest things. Oh, there is nothing major that she said to me, but it is just her voice. Ya know?
It shouldn’t be so hard for me to do this little thing. Compared to what I have already had to do, this really is pretty insignificant. Only it’s not. Maybe I should start telling myself I can do SIMPLE things.